“Don’t lecture me about being new to contract killing.”

If there is a supply, is there necessarily a demand?

On a simple, anonymous and hidden forum called Underground Market Board 2.0 (UMB), a poster named Shadow wrote yesterday that he is a very experienced marksman looking for serious people to sell him weapons near New York City. That’s not a combination that usually ends happily for everyone involved.

“I sold almost all of my Rifles i used when i shot competitively,” wrote Shadow. “I’m planning doing Contracts so obviously I am need of new ones. Don’t lecture me about Being new to contract killing. I am fully aware of the consequences if i get caught.”

Shadow posted his advertisement on October 27, 2012 on the somewhat strange and hidden UMB in which anonymous users seek to buy and sell guns, stolen information, drugs and other illegal goods and services.

“Cash for kills” reads another post by BlueGuru. ”You want someone taken care of? Im your man. 10,000 within US. 20,000 international. No questions asked (besides all basic vital info for the job). prefer bitcoins for anonymity.”

Blue then provided his TorMail address, the anonymous email service of choice for the buyers and sellers on Underground Market Board.

Maybe UMB isn’t too strange. After all, the Tor-powered deep web bazaar seems common enough. The Silk Road is famous and the Hidden Wiki serves as a deep web travel guide by cataloging a dynamic set of forums and markets that speak about and sell contraband anonymously. Drugs especially are easy to buy online even if a little expensive compared to your local neighborhood hook up.

UMB is listed near the top of the popular Hidden Wiki, requires no registration (like, say, Silk Road does) and offers little in the way of conversation. Most posts are requests or offers for illegal goods plus an anonymous email to contact if one is interested.

Internet shopping is convenient, sure, but is a professional hit man really just a couple of clicks away?

Consider the possibility that UMB and its posters are frauds.

BlueGuru, the assassin advertising a $10,000 domestic hit service, has attracted a number of skeptics to his ads. Blue, as he refers to himself, has written that he has extensive murder experience, only accepts the anonymous digital currency of Bitcoins and is “not some child living out what he saw in a movie.”

woodenrabbit, another UMB poster, didn’t believe Blue. Blue’s “low, low prices,” as described by woodenrabbit, Blue’s exclusive use of Bitcoins (invented in 2009) for a supposedly experienced hitman and the overall lack of details had woodenrabbit vocally skeptical of this apparent assassin.

“The prices i gave are the prices I have always given and they are the prices I always will give,” responded Blue. “If the job calls for more money I’d know that right off the bat and would adjust the original deal accordingly. Newsflash, we live in a large world with a lot of people. Just because you dont have the heart to end a life doesnt mean that theres not people like me who can and who make a living off of it.”

It turns out that nternet arguments aren’t limited strictly to religion and politics.

“On the average, there are about 3 to 5 professional ‘hitmen’ advertising services on this board,” wrote woodenrabbit. “they all seem to have something in common with you- They watch movies and think ‘hey, I could do that’.”

Blue had originally said that the lack of details about his experience were meant to keep himself and his clients safe. Then, obviously offended because he was accused of being a fake on the internet, he proceeded to detail his career as a professional killer. According to Blue, he’s received government training and has three years total experience working “in this line of work” including one year doing freelance killing.

“I was getting paid by my company to handle stuff like this but since i left them i havent been getting any work, which is why im here,” he wrote. “i make one post trying to get some money together because im going broke and some little douchebag who has no clue what hes talking about suddenly starts running his mouth like a child having absolutely no idea of whether or not i can do the things i said or not. if you really want to know why dont you hire me for a job and THEN you can start talking shit IF i dont succeed. but since you HAVENT hired me and you DONT know me, keep your little ass out of my posts.”

If movies have taught us anything, it’s that hired killers ought to be cold blooded and calm under all circumstances. If justified internet skepticism (served with a side of condescension) can provoke that irritated response, who is hiring Blue to be behind cross-hairs?

But if the Underground Market Board has its share of apparent bullshitters, the vast majority of the posts are not being met with skepticism. They’re being met with interest.

Can you hack my university and change my major? Yes, $500.

Can you help me sell pure Colombian cocaine in America and Canada? Yes, easily.

Weapons in Australia, confidential doctor’s records in America, fake IDs, a pharmacy’s worth in drugs and even psychic readings for occultists are all apparently for sale and selling on UMB.

And Shadow, the would-be contract killer looking for weapons close to New York City? It took all of two days for someone to respond to him with an anonymous email address. Shopping has never been easier.